Tuesday, January 11, 2011

What's in a name?

People like me, who tend to judge a book by its title, would obviously make no effort to watch a show called "House" or "Bones". Forgive me for considering the names too uninteresting, but it would've helped if someone had made it more obvious that "House" isn't one of those programs that have people buying houses or "Bones" isn't a boring, scientific show where the miracles of the human body are explored. To cut things short, I still don't understand how people can be called "House" or "Bones".

Only a few days ago, I was watching the Ashes, and Beer, from Australia, was bowling to England's Cook and Bell. If I didn't know better, I could've mistaken the match for BBC's version of Masterchef.

But since people are calling themselves with such fancy names these days, I think I would like to add "Scientist" to my name someday. And then when I get married and have kids, we'll be a group of "Scientists". I'll probably then make use of my situation and give my services to a local newspaper. Every once in a while, whenever the newspaper would need some weird scientific news, I'd just call them up and say something bizarre, like for instance, "standing in the rain can cause hair growth to improve". Quoting me, the newspaper would have something like this in the news, "Scientists reveal rain as secret to hair growth" or "Scientist: Lending stuff to neighbors decreases blood pressure" or "Group of Scientists claim to have reversed time". Since most people only tend to peruse newspaper headlines, especially when it comes to such stories, it could be a good way to change the habits of readers by using such subliminal coercion.

Another name I can come up with is "Yo-daddy"; so that whenever people want to know more about me, they'll ask "Who's yo daddy?". That should be worth the trouble itself. Adding a famous name, such as "Churchill", would always make me stand out from the crowd. This way, people will never have trouble breaking the ice with me, as it is highly likely that the first question they'll ask would be "Are you related to Winston Churchill?". Having a stereotypical ethnic name such as "Schröder" or "Mbangwa" could be fun too. I'm sure people would then ask if I'm from Germany or Africa. I would respond in the negative and then ask them why on earth they came up with such a silly supposition.

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